That Moment of Realization

My BF and I had a long talk about where we want to go in life and how he can not be afraid to let me go out and do things on my own. He tells me, yet again, that he feels like my father instead of my BF...but this time it feels different. Now I see how he feels like my father, not because of how dependent I am of him, but of how possessional and controling he feels he needs to be over my life...because of that past situation which he had to 'rescue' me from. Which I could have told myself that a long time ago, and which I did, but I never really saw it materialize from him so pure than it had yesterday afternoon. So now he is finally realizing that he can not keep me like his only child, or perhaps like he must let me graduate high school and allow me to go away to college. Much like he is seeing the time is coming for our relationship to end. And I cried a little from this realization, and he might have broke a tear, but it doesnt hurt as much as I thought it would. He tells me, "no matter how much you want to deny it, we're really just a couple of good friends. We do things for each other and sacrifice some things in order for things to work out, but we're not GF and BF like we should be". And I know this is because of us not being able to have sex in a while (almost a year since september I've been celebate), but he denies that is the reason. But I know that is the reason and he just doesnt want me to feel that our relationship collapsed, or was neutralizing because of that. But I know so. And I knew it would happen. It was just a matter of time. I mean, from a man that tells me nearly everyday that my religion controls me because I do not act out on my human impulses and that sex is as natural as breathing, I predicted he'd supress, then crack, then deny, then finally come to terms and relaize what was happening with him. And I'm actually okay with it. As a matter of fact my time is coming around, and he fears that when I excel, he's out the door. Well, I do plan on moving out once I graduate and get a job of $30,000/year, but it's his choice to move out with me. I know how he feels that he must "make it" for his mom and the rest of his family, but he shouldn't have that burden. He fears leaving his childhood home because he'll feel that he's abandoning his mother. His father did the wrong thing and told my BF that he trusted him to "take care of his mother" or 'support the family' when he was gone. And those were his last dying words. There are 2 other men in this family. Why couldnt one of them been chosen? And why can't my BF take care of them while living somewhere else? Perhaps we're fustrated with each other because we need our own space? So not only is my BF struggling with his temp job AND trying to make it in the film and acting world, he's also super fustrated because he has been taught that sex should be the cure all and relies on that as his crutch. Perhps I've gone celebate to teach him a long and crutial lesson, that he is much better than that? Subconciously of course. And maybe that was wrong of me. But it seems that he's much too stubborn to realize this or afraid to take the risk. Whichever the case, breaking him is no easy task. And I'm just exhaughsted with everything...Apparently he is too.

Well, at least it was a good break...

He's still welcome when I make the move.

superchill trax

I'm listening to some superchill techno tracks right now (kaito - inside river) by maurice fulton, represented by milk.audio, and the guy looks like a professional skater my brother used to idolize. And that memorie is making me miss my bro and all the cool times we used to have. He now lives in the state where everything's bigger, but when we were together, I used to chill at his place with his friends...just hanging out, drinking, playing chess, listening to someone spin (cause they were always practicing at his place) and just talking and dancing the whole night through. Then after everyone was smoked out and recovering, we'd all run over to Denny's or Baker's Square at 4am and discuss whatever philosophical idea that an elevated state of mind brings. It was really cool, and always entertaining. Especially for the patient, artistic types that we were.

I was close to making a cool friend like that here at work but he got kicked out for either attendence or lack of financial aid. Either way, I didnt get a chance to make him a contact in my roladex for future reference. Besides, it didnt seem he was very interestd in me at the time. Eventhough we shared the same interests in music, art, and politics (activism), it seemed that he was more interested in the "pretty girl". You know how guys do in high school when they dont know what they want and fall for a pretty girl because it gets them guy points. But only keep the cool girl that they can relate to on the side as an acquaintence. Yeah, well, news to you...we're not in high school anymore. This is the working world! I should have known though, we was mad young! I'm 23 and he just turned 19. I don't need that crap, no matter how hot, and sexy, and . Though I could have taught him a thing or two...you know, screwed his brains out. But then again, I dont need a dependent puppy who's whipped on my pussy. Perhaps I'll see him in the protests at the RNC in a week or so? Maybe even get arrested together....who knows?

Cuddle Party

Right, so apparently there's this new show called Life & Style with Kimora Lee, the chick from E!, and a couple other people. I was chosen to comment on an issue of a new social craze called, "Cuddle Parties". Basically people pay $30 to hang with a group of total strangers, in their Pajamas, and cuddle for a few hours. As weird as this social event may seem, there are even rules and regulations! For enstence, dry humping is understandably out of order, but kissing is still alright? "Oh can I swab spit with you? But don't poke me wiith your woody." But anyhow, the "parties" were started by this guy who was a regular on a couple of soap operas. He says that is started when him and his massage therapist friend woul dhave "massage parties". Then his non-massaing friends wanted to get in on the fun, so they came up with the idea of "cuddle parties"... And that's all good and fun, but what if no one wants to cuddle with you, or your cuddle partner, whom you thought went in the other direction when the party was over, follows you home? What then? Will the soap opera host get sued? My comment on the show was basically telling the guy, " It's seems to me that you're profiting from other peoples desperations for human contact." Then he went on to explaining that 'everyone in the world needs to become more caring and open and not be afraid to touch one another' and yadda yadda yadda... Kimora was sitting next to me with the mic and asked me to comment. And she was nice and all, but it seemed she was in another world. Kinda on cloud 9 or something...just spacey. She was kinda unsociable as well. But I dunno, I kinda expected her to be a little more used to conversation. But she had the excuse that she was tired or whatever...I dunno. But she was pretty. Not georgeous. But pretty. She didnt really perk up unless the cameras were rolling or until she thanked me for my comment and for being on the show. I told her, "thank you for having me." and that would have been the end of it if I wouldnt have mentioned, "I'm glad to meet you." I tried to put on my cutest smile, and she said, "oh! nice to meet you too!" and stuck out her hand for us to shake. I guess its the simple things like that that make people happy?

But whatever. And from what I hear I was all up in the camera! But do you know what was better than that? The row of NY Firefighters who are in the 2005 calender. Beautiful! Let me tell you! There was one particular guy with a shaved head and the most georgous blue eyes I have ever seen! At one point between segments there was an empty seat in between kitty and me, and I told her to ask "blue eyes" to sit next to me. And he would have abliged, I mean, he stood up and evreything to move, but the producers told some other lady to sit there. Ah well, I guess we should have thought faster. :(

[note: kitty has been changed to protect their current existence]

terry cloth speaks!

I sent "terry" an e-mail about a buyers show I attended a couple of weeks ago. Apparently I am supposed to be working for him for a couple of months (in a couple weeks) and I just wanted to give him a 'heads up' on what I knew about the field. So he sends me an e-mail back today simply saying, "Thanks for the report! when will I see you?" [pause for a beat]

Now I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I wrote him this whole review on the show, (perhaps 3 pages long, if in Microsoft Word) with visual examples and all, and all he can say is, "when will I see you?" THEN he sends me a second e-mail asking me to give him my contact info to update his address book, which is also understandable. But then he tells me to download a program to my computer so that we wouldn't have to keep going through the e-mailing process when keeping in contact with each other.

Now why would he want to suggest that? Perhaps because e-mails have timestamps and can be traced and all sorts of ideas swim in my head. But perhaps I'm just thinking too hard or too much?

The month of September will only tell...


[note: terry has been changed to protect their current existence]

The Other Side of the Fence

My BF is a Capricorn III and this is what was said about him in general...

His ruling mode is "Sensations". And his strengths are "Professional", "surmounting" which basically means 'the ability to conquer' as in his partner :( , and "maintaining". His weaknesses are "unheeding", "outrageous", and "self-sacrificing". And he was born on The Week of Dominence. I can already see where this is going...

Here is what the book says about my BF and mine's relationship:

This relationship is imbued with contrasts -- its energy can shift from the known to the unknown, from the potential to the kenetic and , often, from the acceptable to the questionable. Harnessing such energy can make the relationship a powerful force for change in whatever social, family, or professional context it finds itself. The Capricorn III's tendency to dominate comes to the fore here, but only if Libra II's give their partners the chance to exercise it. Libra II's are quick on their feet, and their often radical stance can pose a real threat to more solid, sure and slower-thinking Capricorn III's. Yet the danger Capricorn III's face her is more subtuly subversive then powerfully confrontational, since Libra II's may be influential in eroding their more conservative position, thereby freeing them to act.

Libra II are likely to lead their Capricorn III partners through the labyrinths of love, introducing them to manyearthly delights and physical pleasures. In this respect, Capricorn III's usuallyprove to be eager, enthusiastic students. Marriages between these two can be suprisingly stable, but also very broad-minded.

Libra II and Capricorn III relatives can have violent arguments over political and social issues when their respactive radical and conservative viewpoints clash. Such a resistence to each other's ideas may continue for years, and will be viewed warily, but with some humor, by othe rfamily members. Libra II-Capricorn III friendships are less common than friendly rivalries or even serious enemies, since too often these individuals find themselves on different sides of the fence.

In the commercial sector, the Libra II=Capricorn III business partnership or co-worker matchup can be highly dynamic. But Capricorn III's may eventually resent having to shoulder the brunt of the hard work, since Libra II's are slippery customers when it comes to meeting fixed responsibilities and work quotas.

Key Advice: Equalize the work load. Present your views objectively, and respect the beliefs of others. Subversion can be positive but is a dangerous tool.

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So basically it's saying that we are so very differnet and could maintain a great relationship only if he wasn't constantly trying to dominate and control all things that my free-spirited and everchanging personality was all about. In a better sense, we'd be cool if he wasnt trying to cage the bird all the time. So perhaps I need to give him a little talking to to mak esure this isnt what he's trying to do. Because, after all, he wont do this until I let him test it. Which I really dont want to do.

Interesting...

Now only if I could find out what week of Scorpio milky is...


[note: milky has been changed to protect their current existence]

The Week of Society

Picked up a book from B&N that other day about relationships. It's called The Secret Language of Relationships. Rather good might I add...

The book places birthdays in seperate categories by weeks, so that there are 48 periods. Each week being ruler of something different in particular. For enstence, I am in The Week of Society. And generally since a Libra is ruled by the scales of fairness, I seek for rights and equality in the society and the world.

So basically it says that my modes are in Thought and Sensation. Which I guess means that I'm more inwordly with what I perciceve or the results of what comes out of me. It says my Strengths are that I'm "up-to-date" in ideas, "fair", and "insightful". My weaknesses are that I'm "Complacent", which means 'self-satisfied and unconcerned' about whatever, I'm also "Severe" in my criticism and "self-deceiving". Hmm, I guess I need someone to keep me on track, eh?

Libra II - The Week of Society:

The Libra II period takes Society as its central image. In human terms, this period can be compared to a time in one's middle life when a more meaningful relationship with Society, or an increase in time given to social entitles (political causes, clubs, religious organizations, study groups, neighborhood or community associations, etc.) often takes place. [this must be why I'm such a fan of the sixties civil rights and peace movments!] During this period, deepening one's social ties can be central to life, not only with the institutions mentioned, but also with lifelong friends and family members.

The days that comprise Libra II symbolically reveal certain aspects of middle age: taking the lead in defining social mores, making difficult judgments, acquiring objective wisdom about human psychology and learning to husband one's physical and financial resources.

The paradox about the born in this week is that although their social skills are highly developed, they may really be loners in nature. Their knowledge of current events, fashions, and matters concerning lifestyles is impressive, and family and freinds usually consult them as to the choice of materials or methods to get the job done in the most tasteful way possible. [guess that answers my question on why art and design are my strongpoints!] Constantly in demand, Libra II's often have difficulty finding time for themselves, and at some point must learn how to limit the time and energy they are prepared to give. [No wonder I love my alone time so much!]

Generally well liked as people, Libra II's are also highly saught after as confidants and councelors. They inspire trust in those who are meeting them for the first time. Their non-threatening approach makes other people quickly feel that they have nothing to fear from Libra II's, to whom they can open their hearts and unburden themselves. Indeed Libra II's rarely hurtfully or maliciously toward those who confide in them. Those who seek them out feel safe with them.

Although fair, just and agreeable in most situations, Libra II's can also be extremely sharp and critical. Because their insights are so often right on, their barbs can sting. Associates and employers who listen to them can probably learn something, but the fury of a Libra II attack often arouses too much negative emotions in the assaulted party to allow for clear listening. Only later will the truth of their criticisms begin to sink in.

Libra II children can be demanding of their parents, amd Libra II parents can be strict with their children. When young, those born in this week may be extremely rebellious or at the very least troublesome to those in authority. Libra II's are guided by a sense of fairness but also by an extreme antipathy to stupid, harmful, and needless regulations and laws. [Couldn't have said it better mayself] Too often young Libra II's may see the harm or waste being caused by a social or parental attitide yet feel helpless to do much about it. As they grow up, they may become crusades or reformers, but they can just as easily turn into quiet observers who watch and listen but only offer their opinion and judgments when asked to do so.

Emotional instability may be the single biggest problem that Libra II's face.[Dont I know it!!!] It can undermine their relationships, making them prone to jealously, irritation, possessiveness and all sorts of negative emotions that they could really do without. [Hmmmm....Could that be the reason I get so angry sometimes for things that I really have no control over???] Physical problems and even lifelong disabilities can result. [True that!] Involvment in some form of spiritual, religious, or physical training is often essential to Libra II's, to provide the stability and grounding that those born in this week require if they are to keep on an even keel. [And then there's that less time for myself thing...]

There is often a glaring discrepency between what Libra II's think they want and what they truely need. Those born in this week may blunt their own desires by not taking them seriously. This, through their own instances that they don't need something, they can stunt the development of their will. Any resulting confusion, unhappiness, or despair may serve them well, if they can take advantage of it. Through depression, they can get in touch with themselves at a deep level and, stripped of externals, will find out what their deepest needs really are.

An ever-present danger for these imaginative individuals is that they will come to live too much in a fantasy world in which all things are possible. Through complacency, and narcissistic enjoyment, [why does it have to be narcissistic?!] they can fail to take action. This lack of aggression may affect their profesisonal life. Worldly ambition can be very healthy for Libra II's, since it can spur them on to be more assertive, and to demand from the world what they really want. The problems here are that they are not always sure what their true wishes are, and they are too often satisfied with what they have and indecisive in charting out a realistic course of action.

Libra II's are highly valued by their friends, not least for their light and fun-loving manner. They are often good conversationalists, and even the most shy Libra II blossoms in activities invloving a small group of companions, such as parties, dinners or outings. Those born in this week are highly responsible in such roundings, and may be depended upon to make a contribution. Yet as aware and realistic as they are about other people, to the same or a greater degree they can be unrealistic about themselves. It may be an unfortunate trait of Libra II's to pull the wool over their oen eyes. [It's because I'm afraid!] Such as self-deception can lead to disasterous choices of partner, and also to professional blunders. Simply put: without a clear view of themselves, Libra II's can not make cogent personal choices, and are constantly landing themselves in trouble. Fortunately they are highly resiliant. Still they must not take their ability to snap back from injury or defeat for granted, or rely on it unduly.

During rock periods in their relationships, Libra II's tend to be more hurtful toward themselves than to the other person. [It's because I don't like to hurt people...] This is a sign of less masochistic tendencies than of low self-esteem, and of a habit of putting the needs and wants of a lover or friend before their own. [Too bad they never see that!] Their difficulty in expressing anger and agression leads them to blame themselves when things go wrong. [Very True!] They may consequently sink into a quiet depression, tumbling into a well of lonliness from which it may be extremely difficult for them to climb out. [Well, it's the safest and quietest way to go...]

And that's all about it for me...

Gone Thinkin'...

Been thinking about that dream I had the other night. You know the one where the man grazes his lips on mine...that sweet breath... And I was thinking that we might not have actually touched lips, in the dream of course. And it got me to wondering if there was a reason for this. Perhaps he could only show me compassion, but I took it in another direction...straight to my loins...and he almost got caught up in it? Maybe by not touching me he was telling me that he is not for that, that perhaps he is to be there for me, and that he cares, but not in THAT way? How devistating! Now, dreams usually fortell your present or future life, so what could this be telling me about mine???

...I wish my brain would stop working already...

straight jealousy...

Went to a music website that I frequent since it was recommended in the paper. I've been a dedicated member for almost half a year and absolutlly adore(!) the webmaster, "milky". (Havent had a dream about him yet...) So we've e-mailed back and fourth a couple of times for either a favor when I needed to get the word out to a lot of people, or for comment posting problems on his blog...either way, we've had a few of our own conversations uninterupted or un-spied upon. Then some "juicy" hooch starts hitting on him in the comments area and he starts hitting back saying, "I'd like to taste some deep fried juicy," and crap. that really pissed me off! I don't really know why...maybe perhaps 'cause he's hot and I demand all the attention. Well, not deliberately, just because it's common. So it's really not about him or juicy, I figure. It's a prolem with me. Because when I dont get the initial attention, I'm confused and that usually turns into humility, then suspision, then anger.

So what the hell is up with all my anger???

[note: juicy, and milky have been changed to protect their current existence]

And my heart was all aglow!

It is true!

I had a dream that a man much taller than I iquired about me in my house. It was my home in Hawaii and my brother sat watching television on the couch. I was looking in the freezer for chocolate candies and he appeared from around the corner, very tall, a bit lanky, short, brown hair and a warm, shy smile. I asked, "what are you doing here?" as I leaned on the kitched counter, head tilted and smiling back. He answered with his eyes and came close to me. I could smell the clean on his shirt. His aura was warm as he bent down to graze my lips with his. My heart lept and he blushed as he backed away slightly. How fuzzy his image was...I could only feel his kindness. He did not speak but I could hear him in my thoughts. His voice was low and deep, kind of whispery. The effort was not in how he spoke but in what he spoke. And I'm still not sure what I heard, but his words caressed my soul and lapped up my pain. The sweet murmer of his breathing made my cheeks hot and quickened a little flame deep down within.

Was he the man of my dreams? Or just a man in my dreams? Hopefully, I will see him soon again...Maybe I can even give him a name next time.

...and then there was a storm.

My BF came back from his trip and I was actually happy to see him. He insisted we go to the movies and left all of his things on the bedroom floor and bed. Which I wanted to clean up because I didnt want him yelling at me again.

But anyhow, everything was kinda okay. A little tense with him. But the next morning I offered to clean the mess when I got home from school and he told me not to touch it, so then I asked him to clean it up and he said he didnt want to clean it at that moment. So then I start to clean it, and he gets pissed! He yells at me to leave it because he wants to go through it. So I stop talking and I'm getting my lunch together and he asks, "what's wrong?" And I look at him like he's a madman and say "nothing". Then he gets this temper and is all like, "I hate it when you do that! Just tell me whats wrong with you!" And I look at him at tell him, "I'll tell you later." my teeth clenched. So we get in the car and he's driving me to my bus sto and we talk and I start crying because every other word out of his mouth is a curse. Now, I'm no a big fan of cursing, true it comes out in e-mails and blogs when I'm angry, but I never EVER curse at my BF, because I wouldn't want him cursing at me. But he starts cursing at me, he voice loud and abraisive, and I start to cry. And at that moment, he knew he was doing wrong. So after he was quiet for a good few minutes, he asks 'what's wrong' and I tell him all that I've been feeling; about how I wanted him to clean up his mess, btu how I'd be willing to clean the mess beause I didnt want him yelling a tme for the mess, and of how I felt the I was walkign on eggshells because I didnt want to be yelled at again, I wanted him to stay all smiles but he was making it very hard. And I also told him about how it felt for him to curse at me with all that emotion and anger behind it. I told him it weighed my soul down and hurt me in places no one could see, only feel. And I told him how relaxed and free I felt when he was on his trip out of town and how all the intensity and anger and cursing all at once caused me to break down...

Man I hate crying in front of people!

So he appologized for the first time this morning when he cursed. A friend told me to reward him for catching his curse. Like cook him dinner or somthing...It sound slike a great idea, hopefully it will work. Our spirits were high today and we actually smiled together. I just hope it will last...

Orange was absent from school friday and monday. Kitty was right, she did seem troubled. I wanted to talk to her about it, you know, to make sure she was alright. But Whan I asked, "are you okay?" she said, "yeah, I'm alright..." and in her voice I heard a bit of pain, maybe even sorrow. So I didnt pry any further. She was absent from our last hour class today only long enough to eat her lunch and grab her books as the class was letting out. Perhaps she had a breakdown and is burnt out from work and school AND relationships? I dunno. I just hope she gets better.

[note: kitty and orange have been changed to protect their current existence]

what did I say?

I just got off the phone with my BFs sister. She was calling to see if the dog had been taken out by the brother. The first thing she says when I answer the phone is, "Were you sleeping?" It's 1:30 in the fucking afternoon! What kind of question is that? Fucking bitch. So I tell her, "I've been up for a while, it's the middle of the afternoon." But she starts talking to her mother righ tin the middle of my sentence. So then I say, "I don't know if the brother came over yet or not, but the dog is on the side of the house now. Should I let him out to pee?" And she says, "no, it's okay. my borther will be by there soon." Then she hangs up.

Yeah, well FUCK YOU! You Fucking PRICK!


and the animosity continues...

Evening to myself...

So I finally got Yahoo! messanger installed onto my computer. po po had been begging me to get it so that we could talk as I looked at him through his webcam. Kinda wish I had one, not because I like people to look at me, but I feel it just would have been fair. But apparently, he's comfortable with the idea of me looking at him and him not having the same option. But then again, who wouldn't? He's got a great body! I mean, a body like a god! He works out so he's got very broad shoulders (due to his muscular physique) and a nice ass. Though I think his legs could get worked out a bit more. But nothing 'risque' happend during our conversation though. Not that I wanted it to, but he's a cool guy and I don't want to start out this friendnship on cyber or 'out of line' conversation, you know?

I know there is a cam around here somewhere, I just have to find it and get it loaded into the computer. But I didn't necessarily like just looking at him, because I found myself just staring, waiting for him to do something, instead of me talking, you know? So a one-sided visual is kind of a crutch. But besides all that business, apparently I'm playing match maker for po po because he hasn't been in a relationship for at least 9 months, and he says he's lonely. And since I'm in a relationship, I feel bad and might as well comply. Besides, he's a nice guy. He's worthy of a girlfriend now and doesn't diserve waiting on me to get out of mine, when I'm still not sure I'll be out anytime soon.

Soooo, that's the deal now. My BF called me and says the award party went well last night (saturday) but that he'll be staying there until monday morning. Why stay? Why not come home? I can't help but take it personal, you know? And I didn't tell you that he went skinny dipping in the ocean after some party either thursday or friday night! He calls me cracking up, "guess what I did, I went skinny dipping!" And it didn't even bother me until he tells me that it was with this other guy and 2 chicks who talked them into it. What the fuck? I'm supposed to be happy that you went skinny dipping after a night of drinking with a couple of girls?!? So I told him, "it's great that he's letting go of his tension and all, but that he'd be pissed if I would call him up and tell him that I went skinny dipping with a couple of guys after a night of drinking." He'd be downright outraged! He'd probably say something like, "this is how you respect me and our relationship?! And blah blah blah...!" I would never hear the end of it! And I'm sure he'd throw it in my face to the point of saying, "I pay for your school, you stay in my house rent free, I give you money for transportation, I pay your bills, and this is how you repay me??? By swimming naked with someother naked guy?!?" And then of course his family would take his side. And I'd be some selfish harlot bitch who is using my BF and his family...And his family, those mother fuckers! Anytime they have the chance to put me down, they do. They say things that they think I can't catch. Like the mother and daughter are going away for the weekend and their brother wont be there either, and they tell me, "the dog needs to be walked in the morning so I'll call my other son to walk him." And I say, "well since I'll be here, I'll walk him." And they laugh and say, "oh, but you can't take him, he'll drag you all over the place." They're basically saying that I can handle taking the dog for a poop walk because i'm too small and skinny. But the mother is like 5 foot and 130 pounds! I'm 5'5 and 115, what the hell?!? And this isnt the first time. They always make fun of how skinny I am, they say I'm not eating and that I'm starving myself and that I'm too lazy too feed myslef. WHAT BULLSHIT! They think that if I'm not eating every 2 hours, or if they dont see me eating that I'm not eating...those fuckers, I swear! they need to get off it! I wish they'd quit worrying about how I can eat and not gain weight, and quit obsessing over it. It's not my fault that they can't control their eating habits and that they eat like 5 full meals a day! DAMN! That's why they're all health finatics now, but I don't have to worry about all that. I tell you, I can tell them unitl I'm blue in the face that the reason I'm so thin is because we have different body types. But they refuse to listen to that and think I have an eating disorder. MY GOD! An apartment of my own is sooo what I need. And for the brother to come over every blue moon and call me lazy for taking a nap after school is just driving me up a tree! The joke is REALLY getting old, you know? They're all just driving me mad!

::takes deep breath, then exhales::

why cant someone just be happy with the way that I look for once? Or understand that I need a break after nearly 7 hours of hard work? But no, everone's got to be a critic in this house! I dont go out of my way to make fun of their weight, or tell them that they're Obsessive-Compulsive...Jesus!

But besides all that grief and havock...I fear orange isn't feeling up to par these days. She was looking a little depressed this week and didnt show up for her classes on friday. Kinda makes me worry, you know? kitty brought it up that orange wasnt acting like herself, "very quiet and reserved," she said. The day I went down to meet po po at the vintage shop, orange was telling me that her and her guy "cairo" aren't exactly on good terms. He's complaining that they arent spending enough time together, and that she's being selfish with her time, or whatever. But that happens when you're school work gets increasingly tougher and you also work through the whole night. orange tells me that sometimes, she doesn't get home until 2:30-3a in the morning! then has to be up by 8a to get to school at 10a. Where is the time for homework, I wonder? She get's out of class at 3p and usually has to get home to change, then get to work by 4:30-5p. cairo better chill out for a moment...maybe even help her out, you know? She wouldn't have to work so hard if cairo would devy up some cash. Cause, I mean, they've been together for nearly 3 years, you know? That should count for something... And the only reason she's working is to pay for school.

Ah well, there are too many problems for me to solve...My eyes hurt and I'm just becoming hungry. I'll catch you guys later, and thanx for listening...


[note: po po, kitty, orange, and cairo have been changed to protect their current existence]

On it again...

So my BF isn't talking to me again...

It's understandable that he's in another state plugging his indy movie at festivals, but he could at least give me a 5 second ring while he's at lunch, right? I call him this morning when I get to school, because I havent talked to him in 2 days, and he complains that I woke him up! I called him at 7:30a (the time he's usually up on the weekends, he gets up at 5:30a on weekdays), and he's all, "you woke me up." Well so-rry! We dont speak for 2 days and all he can do is bicker? At least when he called me and woke me up when I was back home, I was like, "no, it's alright. I'm awake now." But he was all, "you woke me up." What an ASS!

::sigh::

I'm going to tell po po. He'll make me feel better.


[note: po po, has been changed to protect his current existence]