Evening to myself...
So I finally got Yahoo! messanger installed onto my computer. po po had been begging me to get it so that we could talk as I looked at him through his webcam. Kinda wish I had one, not because I like people to look at me, but I feel it just would have been fair. But apparently, he's comfortable with the idea of me looking at him and him not having the same option. But then again, who wouldn't? He's got a great body! I mean, a body like a god! He works out so he's got very broad shoulders (due to his muscular physique) and a nice ass. Though I think his legs could get worked out a bit more. But nothing 'risque' happend during our conversation though. Not that I wanted it to, but he's a cool guy and I don't want to start out this friendnship on cyber or 'out of line' conversation, you know?
I know there is a cam around here somewhere, I just have to find it and get it loaded into the computer. But I didn't necessarily like just looking at him, because I found myself just staring, waiting for him to do something, instead of me talking, you know? So a one-sided visual is kind of a crutch. But besides all that business, apparently I'm playing match maker for po po because he hasn't been in a relationship for at least 9 months, and he says he's lonely. And since I'm in a relationship, I feel bad and might as well comply. Besides, he's a nice guy. He's worthy of a girlfriend now and doesn't diserve waiting on me to get out of mine, when I'm still not sure I'll be out anytime soon.
Soooo, that's the deal now. My BF called me and says the award party went well last night (saturday) but that he'll be staying there until monday morning. Why stay? Why not come home? I can't help but take it personal, you know? And I didn't tell you that he went skinny dipping in the ocean after some party either thursday or friday night! He calls me cracking up, "guess what I did, I went skinny dipping!" And it didn't even bother me until he tells me that it was with this other guy and 2 chicks who talked them into it. What the fuck? I'm supposed to be happy that you went skinny dipping after a night of drinking with a couple of girls?!? So I told him, "it's great that he's letting go of his tension and all, but that he'd be pissed if I would call him up and tell him that I went skinny dipping with a couple of guys after a night of drinking." He'd be downright outraged! He'd probably say something like, "this is how you respect me and our relationship?! And blah blah blah...!" I would never hear the end of it! And I'm sure he'd throw it in my face to the point of saying, "I pay for your school, you stay in my house rent free, I give you money for transportation, I pay your bills, and this is how you repay me??? By swimming naked with someother naked guy?!?" And then of course his family would take his side. And I'd be some selfish harlot bitch who is using my BF and his family...And his family, those mother fuckers! Anytime they have the chance to put me down, they do. They say things that they think I can't catch. Like the mother and daughter are going away for the weekend and their brother wont be there either, and they tell me, "the dog needs to be walked in the morning so I'll call my other son to walk him." And I say, "well since I'll be here, I'll walk him." And they laugh and say, "oh, but you can't take him, he'll drag you all over the place." They're basically saying that I can handle taking the dog for a poop walk because i'm too small and skinny. But the mother is like 5 foot and 130 pounds! I'm 5'5 and 115, what the hell?!? And this isnt the first time. They always make fun of how skinny I am, they say I'm not eating and that I'm starving myself and that I'm too lazy too feed myslef. WHAT BULLSHIT! They think that if I'm not eating every 2 hours, or if they dont see me eating that I'm not eating...those fuckers, I swear! they need to get off it! I wish they'd quit worrying about how I can eat and not gain weight, and quit obsessing over it. It's not my fault that they can't control their eating habits and that they eat like 5 full meals a day! DAMN! That's why they're all health finatics now, but I don't have to worry about all that. I tell you, I can tell them unitl I'm blue in the face that the reason I'm so thin is because we have different body types. But they refuse to listen to that and think I have an eating disorder. MY GOD! An apartment of my own is sooo what I need. And for the brother to come over every blue moon and call me lazy for taking a nap after school is just driving me up a tree! The joke is REALLY getting old, you know? They're all just driving me mad!
::takes deep breath, then exhales::
why cant someone just be happy with the way that I look for once? Or understand that I need a break after nearly 7 hours of hard work? But no, everone's got to be a critic in this house! I dont go out of my way to make fun of their weight, or tell them that they're Obsessive-Compulsive...Jesus!
But besides all that grief and havock...I fear orange isn't feeling up to par these days. She was looking a little depressed this week and didnt show up for her classes on friday. Kinda makes me worry, you know? kitty brought it up that orange wasnt acting like herself, "very quiet and reserved," she said. The day I went down to meet po po at the vintage shop, orange was telling me that her and her guy "cairo" aren't exactly on good terms. He's complaining that they arent spending enough time together, and that she's being selfish with her time, or whatever. But that happens when you're school work gets increasingly tougher and you also work through the whole night. orange tells me that sometimes, she doesn't get home until 2:30-3a in the morning! then has to be up by 8a to get to school at 10a. Where is the time for homework, I wonder? She get's out of class at 3p and usually has to get home to change, then get to work by 4:30-5p. cairo better chill out for a moment...maybe even help her out, you know? She wouldn't have to work so hard if cairo would devy up some cash. Cause, I mean, they've been together for nearly 3 years, you know? That should count for something... And the only reason she's working is to pay for school.
Ah well, there are too many problems for me to solve...My eyes hurt and I'm just becoming hungry. I'll catch you guys later, and thanx for listening...
[note: po po, kitty, orange, and cairo have been changed to protect their current existence]
I know there is a cam around here somewhere, I just have to find it and get it loaded into the computer. But I didn't necessarily like just looking at him, because I found myself just staring, waiting for him to do something, instead of me talking, you know? So a one-sided visual is kind of a crutch. But besides all that business, apparently I'm playing match maker for po po because he hasn't been in a relationship for at least 9 months, and he says he's lonely. And since I'm in a relationship, I feel bad and might as well comply. Besides, he's a nice guy. He's worthy of a girlfriend now and doesn't diserve waiting on me to get out of mine, when I'm still not sure I'll be out anytime soon.
Soooo, that's the deal now. My BF called me and says the award party went well last night (saturday) but that he'll be staying there until monday morning. Why stay? Why not come home? I can't help but take it personal, you know? And I didn't tell you that he went skinny dipping in the ocean after some party either thursday or friday night! He calls me cracking up, "guess what I did, I went skinny dipping!" And it didn't even bother me until he tells me that it was with this other guy and 2 chicks who talked them into it. What the fuck? I'm supposed to be happy that you went skinny dipping after a night of drinking with a couple of girls?!? So I told him, "it's great that he's letting go of his tension and all, but that he'd be pissed if I would call him up and tell him that I went skinny dipping with a couple of guys after a night of drinking." He'd be downright outraged! He'd probably say something like, "this is how you respect me and our relationship?! And blah blah blah...!" I would never hear the end of it! And I'm sure he'd throw it in my face to the point of saying, "I pay for your school, you stay in my house rent free, I give you money for transportation, I pay your bills, and this is how you repay me??? By swimming naked with someother naked guy?!?" And then of course his family would take his side. And I'd be some selfish harlot bitch who is using my BF and his family...And his family, those mother fuckers! Anytime they have the chance to put me down, they do. They say things that they think I can't catch. Like the mother and daughter are going away for the weekend and their brother wont be there either, and they tell me, "the dog needs to be walked in the morning so I'll call my other son to walk him." And I say, "well since I'll be here, I'll walk him." And they laugh and say, "oh, but you can't take him, he'll drag you all over the place." They're basically saying that I can handle taking the dog for a poop walk because i'm too small and skinny. But the mother is like 5 foot and 130 pounds! I'm 5'5 and 115, what the hell?!? And this isnt the first time. They always make fun of how skinny I am, they say I'm not eating and that I'm starving myself and that I'm too lazy too feed myslef. WHAT BULLSHIT! They think that if I'm not eating every 2 hours, or if they dont see me eating that I'm not eating...those fuckers, I swear! they need to get off it! I wish they'd quit worrying about how I can eat and not gain weight, and quit obsessing over it. It's not my fault that they can't control their eating habits and that they eat like 5 full meals a day! DAMN! That's why they're all health finatics now, but I don't have to worry about all that. I tell you, I can tell them unitl I'm blue in the face that the reason I'm so thin is because we have different body types. But they refuse to listen to that and think I have an eating disorder. MY GOD! An apartment of my own is sooo what I need. And for the brother to come over every blue moon and call me lazy for taking a nap after school is just driving me up a tree! The joke is REALLY getting old, you know? They're all just driving me mad!
::takes deep breath, then exhales::
why cant someone just be happy with the way that I look for once? Or understand that I need a break after nearly 7 hours of hard work? But no, everone's got to be a critic in this house! I dont go out of my way to make fun of their weight, or tell them that they're Obsessive-Compulsive...Jesus!
But besides all that grief and havock...I fear orange isn't feeling up to par these days. She was looking a little depressed this week and didnt show up for her classes on friday. Kinda makes me worry, you know? kitty brought it up that orange wasnt acting like herself, "very quiet and reserved," she said. The day I went down to meet po po at the vintage shop, orange was telling me that her and her guy "cairo" aren't exactly on good terms. He's complaining that they arent spending enough time together, and that she's being selfish with her time, or whatever. But that happens when you're school work gets increasingly tougher and you also work through the whole night. orange tells me that sometimes, she doesn't get home until 2:30-3a in the morning! then has to be up by 8a to get to school at 10a. Where is the time for homework, I wonder? She get's out of class at 3p and usually has to get home to change, then get to work by 4:30-5p. cairo better chill out for a moment...maybe even help her out, you know? She wouldn't have to work so hard if cairo would devy up some cash. Cause, I mean, they've been together for nearly 3 years, you know? That should count for something... And the only reason she's working is to pay for school.
Ah well, there are too many problems for me to solve...My eyes hurt and I'm just becoming hungry. I'll catch you guys later, and thanx for listening...
[note: po po, kitty, orange, and cairo have been changed to protect their current existence]
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