changing of the tides...
It seems that when I get to that point where I need one little inch to push me off the edge to leaveing my BF, the tides change and we have a good day together. That good day could retrieve yards, even miles of forgiveness, for him. Only if this good would keep up.
I met a guy online about two months or so ago, and we've been keeping in contact by e-mails and jusy recently (nearly a week) by phone. My BF knows he calls but only knows him as my friend. Now my BF is a jealous guy and doesnt like me having friends of the opposite sex, let alone hanging out with the opposite sex without him around. Which is understandable since it's only been a year, a month, and eleven days since my rape at the hotel party. He's protective, I understand, but to a point to where I'm suffocating...hense the blog title. But naturally, I want out, because I can not be friends with whomever I want and chill when I want without him having to call me a million times during the outtings and jealous to the point where he thinks I may be cheating. So I 'm driven to it. He pushes me to the limits and he chains up my little heart. It came to the point where I was willing to interact upon a lesbian relationship with a girl I met just to be able to get out of the house without him giving me the third degree. Is that what I want to result to just to be free? Become a sexual orientation that I am not just to feel not so trapped?
So that's what brings me to my online friend, we'll call him "Po Po". Just as recently as yesterday night, I got into a sexual conversation with him. A full fledged 'what positions are best for you' and 'what pornos are your favorites' and even the possibilities of us hooking up if this thing with my BF and I aren't working out. It was a good conversation, though a dangerous one. I wouldn't have dont it if my BF would have been home. He told me he had a meeting with a buddy of his and that he'd be back soon. He left at 2 in the afternoon and didnt come back until I was in the bed at nearly 12:30am. What kind of meeting last 10 hours?! Supposedly they were working on a poster, went to kinko's and chilled out at a diner. How come he can go out with his friends and I cant? He gets pains in his chest when I go out...I get a guilt treatment. I want friends of my own! The only friends I have only exist online or while I'm at school. Well you know what? I'm going to the vintage store with my friend on friday and I'm inviting Po Po. I dont think I'll be driven to kiss him, but it's a large possibility. I need love, I need friends, I need FREEDOM!
[note: po po has been changed to protect his current existence]
I met a guy online about two months or so ago, and we've been keeping in contact by e-mails and jusy recently (nearly a week) by phone. My BF knows he calls but only knows him as my friend. Now my BF is a jealous guy and doesnt like me having friends of the opposite sex, let alone hanging out with the opposite sex without him around. Which is understandable since it's only been a year, a month, and eleven days since my rape at the hotel party. He's protective, I understand, but to a point to where I'm suffocating...hense the blog title. But naturally, I want out, because I can not be friends with whomever I want and chill when I want without him having to call me a million times during the outtings and jealous to the point where he thinks I may be cheating. So I 'm driven to it. He pushes me to the limits and he chains up my little heart. It came to the point where I was willing to interact upon a lesbian relationship with a girl I met just to be able to get out of the house without him giving me the third degree. Is that what I want to result to just to be free? Become a sexual orientation that I am not just to feel not so trapped?
So that's what brings me to my online friend, we'll call him "Po Po". Just as recently as yesterday night, I got into a sexual conversation with him. A full fledged 'what positions are best for you' and 'what pornos are your favorites' and even the possibilities of us hooking up if this thing with my BF and I aren't working out. It was a good conversation, though a dangerous one. I wouldn't have dont it if my BF would have been home. He told me he had a meeting with a buddy of his and that he'd be back soon. He left at 2 in the afternoon and didnt come back until I was in the bed at nearly 12:30am. What kind of meeting last 10 hours?! Supposedly they were working on a poster, went to kinko's and chilled out at a diner. How come he can go out with his friends and I cant? He gets pains in his chest when I go out...I get a guilt treatment. I want friends of my own! The only friends I have only exist online or while I'm at school. Well you know what? I'm going to the vintage store with my friend on friday and I'm inviting Po Po. I dont think I'll be driven to kiss him, but it's a large possibility. I need love, I need friends, I need FREEDOM!
[note: po po has been changed to protect his current existence]
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