Use me up
Here I am again, my head all a fuzz and fucking on the mind. I really ought to get some help on this matter.. The matter being my bordom of relationships. I think the only relationships I've truly wanted to last were out of my range or just plain weren't interested.. *sigh*
I'm still in a relationship with 'elfont', but I get increasing bored as each day passes. He's sweet, but a bit of a complete loser. I mean, he has goals but he doesn't want to work at them to succeed. He thinks its just going to fall in his lap. And u know how I can't stand complainers.. I complain enough as it is! I Need someone who will help bring me out of it, not beat me to the punch and score twice as high. And it's been wearing me down..nearly 4yrs in. And I cant take it anymore. So I met someone.. But not like that. He's a friend. A confident If u will.. A supportive one.
I actually looked him up, searching for someone else, and stumbled upon him by pure accident. At the time he seemed like a regular guy, but something happened after our first meeting. Something about the way he chose his words, something about the quiet intensity in his eyes. Something held close to me and I haven't been able to shake it. But I'm trying my best to be good. I'm making an effort this time to not be a slut.. But the more I try to put him out of my mind, the stronger his hold gets. I don't even think he's aware, but he's been haunting my dreams. And even pops into my train of thought, unannounced, while I'm trying to concentrate at work. I'm even perspiring now discussing it. What is this? how can it be so strong? and for what reason?
There was a moment after we met for the second time (the day after), where I was trying to make a deadline at work. And I'm very focused on the workload, but out of nowhere a thought of him pops up. And is charged with the most ferocious sexual current I've ever felt without warrant. I mean, nips hard, cheeks flushed, lips quivering, and a mist about my face and neck. 'What on earth?!?' I ask myself.. And nothing can keep the scenarios out of my head! Images flash of me sitting in his lap (at my desk), him under my desk and my legs wrapped around his face, and the list goes on for another few moments before I have to excuse myself for a walk outside the building for lunch. I desperately needed air!
But the night before was it's real start. I was lying in bed as the BF played vid games in another room, and I began to try to make sense of why sex with him hasn't been very enjoyable. I was terribly frustrated with grief and racked my brain for a solution. I mean, we love each other very much, but sex has been so blah, and a bit painful (for me). And also thinking why I've never cum vaginally. So I'm sulking instead of sleeping and trying to think up a solution. And as I'm beginning to fall asleep, out of nowhere he, 'KC', pops up and says directly to me, "Just leave it to me, I WILL make you cum." And I must of had a face on like 'good luck, thanks for trying', because the next thing he did was draw me close to him (in this dream I'm lying in my bed as if I had never fallen asleep and he appears at the foot of my bed), my legs spread, and he says, "it's the condoms that are hurting you. And I know what I'm doing. I will prove it to you." And with the that he thrust an 'unsheathed' cock in me. Thrusting slow and carefully at first, then a more pronounced tug at my hips. And he was right.. His naked, hard (yet soft enough to caress my walls like silk) cock was giving me just the right amount of give to ease my battered pussy! And came i did! Electric and pulsating...it was delicious!
But alas, it was only a dream.. And the real 'KC' is much too sweet for an act like that. But I can't deny the hardcore crush I've got going for him..
It's sad really. That my brain has resulted into such erotic nonsense when I should be respecting his friendship. and his heart. He's so kind and has such a softness, a warmness to him. I wouldn't want anything to jeopardize that. It's just so difficult, you know? He has something that not many ppl poses. And it's so rare that I want to share that energy with him in the most intimate way..
But I can't have it.
Does that make me an Energy Vampire???
I'm still in a relationship with 'elfont', but I get increasing bored as each day passes. He's sweet, but a bit of a complete loser. I mean, he has goals but he doesn't want to work at them to succeed. He thinks its just going to fall in his lap. And u know how I can't stand complainers.. I complain enough as it is! I Need someone who will help bring me out of it, not beat me to the punch and score twice as high. And it's been wearing me down..nearly 4yrs in. And I cant take it anymore. So I met someone.. But not like that. He's a friend. A confident If u will.. A supportive one.
I actually looked him up, searching for someone else, and stumbled upon him by pure accident. At the time he seemed like a regular guy, but something happened after our first meeting. Something about the way he chose his words, something about the quiet intensity in his eyes. Something held close to me and I haven't been able to shake it. But I'm trying my best to be good. I'm making an effort this time to not be a slut.. But the more I try to put him out of my mind, the stronger his hold gets. I don't even think he's aware, but he's been haunting my dreams. And even pops into my train of thought, unannounced, while I'm trying to concentrate at work. I'm even perspiring now discussing it. What is this? how can it be so strong? and for what reason?
There was a moment after we met for the second time (the day after), where I was trying to make a deadline at work. And I'm very focused on the workload, but out of nowhere a thought of him pops up. And is charged with the most ferocious sexual current I've ever felt without warrant. I mean, nips hard, cheeks flushed, lips quivering, and a mist about my face and neck. 'What on earth?!?' I ask myself.. And nothing can keep the scenarios out of my head! Images flash of me sitting in his lap (at my desk), him under my desk and my legs wrapped around his face, and the list goes on for another few moments before I have to excuse myself for a walk outside the building for lunch. I desperately needed air!
But the night before was it's real start. I was lying in bed as the BF played vid games in another room, and I began to try to make sense of why sex with him hasn't been very enjoyable. I was terribly frustrated with grief and racked my brain for a solution. I mean, we love each other very much, but sex has been so blah, and a bit painful (for me). And also thinking why I've never cum vaginally. So I'm sulking instead of sleeping and trying to think up a solution. And as I'm beginning to fall asleep, out of nowhere he, 'KC', pops up and says directly to me, "Just leave it to me, I WILL make you cum." And I must of had a face on like 'good luck, thanks for trying', because the next thing he did was draw me close to him (in this dream I'm lying in my bed as if I had never fallen asleep and he appears at the foot of my bed), my legs spread, and he says, "it's the condoms that are hurting you. And I know what I'm doing. I will prove it to you." And with the that he thrust an 'unsheathed' cock in me. Thrusting slow and carefully at first, then a more pronounced tug at my hips. And he was right.. His naked, hard (yet soft enough to caress my walls like silk) cock was giving me just the right amount of give to ease my battered pussy! And came i did! Electric and pulsating...it was delicious!
But alas, it was only a dream.. And the real 'KC' is much too sweet for an act like that. But I can't deny the hardcore crush I've got going for him..
It's sad really. That my brain has resulted into such erotic nonsense when I should be respecting his friendship. and his heart. He's so kind and has such a softness, a warmness to him. I wouldn't want anything to jeopardize that. It's just so difficult, you know? He has something that not many ppl poses. And it's so rare that I want to share that energy with him in the most intimate way..
But I can't have it.
Does that make me an Energy Vampire???
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