in the way
it seems that everything is getting in the way of me writing this story. I just have so much planning for other projects that I am not allowed to focus anymore. Jesus, I hate this! I get started and it feels so strong, then other things come out of nowhere and block where I'm going. Like my creative atoms have been split into seperate paths. And believe it or not, I've become physically tired from churning out these ideas. It's about 3:15p and I am well over due for my nap!
::sigh::
Now I know what the magic books or telepathy books mean when they say using your "energy" can drain you of your strength. See there, and people here think I'm a lazy bastard because all I do is hole myself up in my room and sleep alot. But I'm also working! They don't understand the concept of 'creative work'. Just because it doesn't include running, jumping, mathmatics, socializing or financial stress, they assume I'm just fucking around. Well, guess what assholes...this is my work. I have projects that need completeing. And one day, my work will pay off, and you'll be puzzled as to how far I am ahead of you at half your age of accomplishing anything. And then I will say..."How's that for a lazy bastard, you stupid fuck?"
I went out with kitty today, window shopping, and forgot how wonderful it would be to have a place of my own. Well, I never really forgot, but I put it out of my mind because I know I can not afford it. So we went to this little flea market place in Times Square, and I remembered the dreams I've had of decorating my own space. I wish I would have immediately wanted to decorate the space of me and my boyfriend, but I did not think of him. Isn't that sad? I can not buy anything for us now, in this house, because there is no room, and my BF would chew me out on how I'm wasting precious money. Well no wonder he's a grouch all the time! He never spends anything without tracking it in his brain to where it could be used in a bill. I mean, the only time he does use money freely is when he's buying junk food out of failed self control. Now that's sad. And I know it's important to know where all your money is going and all, but he stresses out with it. He thinks he's losing his hair, and I didn't think so because it's hereditarily impossible. But when I think of situations that he stresses himself out with like this, I think it may be true.
When I first met him he seemed so stress free. Now that I'm actually livin gwith him, I see how he really is and it makes me stressed. I'm not a stressed person and I dont appreciate someone else rubbing that off on me. No, I don't like it one bit. He makes me feel like a bad person all the time. And he makes me feel stupid. He doesn't call me stupid to my face, but he says little things like, "you're so naive. and I swear I'm like a father to you." Like what the hell is tha tsupposed to mean?!? The other night he tells me, "I think I'm your uncle, or cousin, but not your boyfriend." Well if that's the case, I'm gonna go ahead and leave him alone so I can do some growing up... I swear if we move out together, I'm going to have zero toolerence for his bullshit.
[note: kitty has been changed to protect their current existence]
::sigh::
Now I know what the magic books or telepathy books mean when they say using your "energy" can drain you of your strength. See there, and people here think I'm a lazy bastard because all I do is hole myself up in my room and sleep alot. But I'm also working! They don't understand the concept of 'creative work'. Just because it doesn't include running, jumping, mathmatics, socializing or financial stress, they assume I'm just fucking around. Well, guess what assholes...this is my work. I have projects that need completeing. And one day, my work will pay off, and you'll be puzzled as to how far I am ahead of you at half your age of accomplishing anything. And then I will say..."How's that for a lazy bastard, you stupid fuck?"
I went out with kitty today, window shopping, and forgot how wonderful it would be to have a place of my own. Well, I never really forgot, but I put it out of my mind because I know I can not afford it. So we went to this little flea market place in Times Square, and I remembered the dreams I've had of decorating my own space. I wish I would have immediately wanted to decorate the space of me and my boyfriend, but I did not think of him. Isn't that sad? I can not buy anything for us now, in this house, because there is no room, and my BF would chew me out on how I'm wasting precious money. Well no wonder he's a grouch all the time! He never spends anything without tracking it in his brain to where it could be used in a bill. I mean, the only time he does use money freely is when he's buying junk food out of failed self control. Now that's sad. And I know it's important to know where all your money is going and all, but he stresses out with it. He thinks he's losing his hair, and I didn't think so because it's hereditarily impossible. But when I think of situations that he stresses himself out with like this, I think it may be true.
When I first met him he seemed so stress free. Now that I'm actually livin gwith him, I see how he really is and it makes me stressed. I'm not a stressed person and I dont appreciate someone else rubbing that off on me. No, I don't like it one bit. He makes me feel like a bad person all the time. And he makes me feel stupid. He doesn't call me stupid to my face, but he says little things like, "you're so naive. and I swear I'm like a father to you." Like what the hell is tha tsupposed to mean?!? The other night he tells me, "I think I'm your uncle, or cousin, but not your boyfriend." Well if that's the case, I'm gonna go ahead and leave him alone so I can do some growing up... I swear if we move out together, I'm going to have zero toolerence for his bullshit.
[note: kitty has been changed to protect their current existence]
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